What Changed When I said “I Do”

I have been in a relationship with my husband for 5 years. We have been friends for 7 years. We have seen each other at our worst, and our best, and there have been plenty of times when we hurt each other, forgave each other, and patched things up.

I didn’t really think we would get married.

When he moved up to my corner of New England after graduating chiropractic school, I thought, “This man is committing to us. He wants this.” And he did, and does. We talked about a life together, about children and homesteading and holidays…we walked in twilight holding hands and planning, and we were both content. We both felt that marriage wasn’t important, but that maybe one day, we would get there. It wasn’t something I thought was in our near future, at all, and that was OK.

And then he asked me to marry him!

I don’t even know what switched for him, but he decided to put a ring on it. And of course, I said yes…Pixies love things like Love and Relationship Growth and whatnot.

And last summer, we actually did exchange our own vows to each other, and marry each other by a river in the woods. Not legally, but spiritually.

A year later, we got married in front of everyone we love, legally.

And honestly, I didn’t think there would be a big shift. I have been living with this man for 2 years. I have been loving him in one way or another for 7. I was excited about the dress and the party, but I didn’t think it would change Us.

But then, as I was standing in the wind, focused deeply on keeping myself present and aware, I DID feel a shift. There was a ripening. There was a deepening of our roots entwining. I felt the earth swell up to love us, and the wind bless us, and the rain came. And it was good.

Since we have been married legally, there has been a dissolving of tension between us. We let things go a bit more easily. We check in rather than react. And, we are  taking the advice of our dear family members who said, “Find things to do for each other, not only yourself….and LOVE each other!”

Hahahaha. We are so blessed with sage elders!

As we committed to each other that day, I realized that something DOES shift when we make vows before others. We are now held accountable by more people than just the two of us. There’s something very comforting in that. We have a community who witnessed, and continues to witness us, and hold us up to our highest good and best versions of ourselves. Having this feels so safe and joyful to me, and it all came after “I do”.

I know this is only the beginning, but we must begin somewhere. So let it be with grace and open hearts, with a deeper trust, and broader knowing: this is for Real, and this is for Ever.


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